so what do you know, i was going to talk about tonight, how we went to the strip club to celebrate jays 21st b-day, and how i dont usualy go to strip clubs for a couple of reasons, but i went tonight. and during the night i thought of my ex kelly a couple of times. namely cause of the strippers on stage reminded me of her. not saying that she was trashy but body types n such. i was also going to talk about how i miss her, now i know thats crazy for me to say that, but its not. its not that i miss her persay its what we "had". had as in what 2 people in a relation ship have. the closeness of each other to hold on to, the warmth, the security, the look in their eyes, and all of that. and i guess what leads me into some of the reasons why i dont like strip clubs besides its a waste of money (if you're not the one on stage), its a world of false dreams. the girls who are cute, that just want your money as much as you might think that they have an insterest in you, they dont. its just whats in the pocket.

thus brings me to another thing, i dont like how i feel when i'm in a strip club is one of the main reasons i dont go. its not that its a sleazy atmosphere or anything, but its all of that falseness and what goes with it. i saw 2 girls who i found attractive as in date worthy (mind you by looks alone) and what was going through my mind as i saw them do all sorts of leg contortions and ass slappings and nipple pinchings, is who are they really, that is the person off the stage. what do they like to do, what are their hopes and dreams, and why did they get into stripping.

so back to my ex kelly, just as i was about to get ready to talk about tonight, i saw that she was on my buddy list. and she is like never on. but some how tonight i knew that i was going to talk to her (damn that 6th sense of mine) anyways, we chatted for a bit, and i was almost immediately let down by her saying that she is high, not a big surprise there, but she has a kid now and i'd hope that she be more responcible (more so then getting knocked up at 19 by the boyfriend after me) but anyways again, she told me that emma, (the baby) is just starting to crawl and that she has the most beautiful eyes, and since that gave me a flash back to when i'd just look into kellys eyes when i'd be tracing her body or her face or when i'd just hold her in my arms, i decided to be generous and tell her that, emma's eyes must take after her mothers. that was the gist of the conversation with her, oh and how its late and she needs all the sleep that she can get, but she'll be on tomorrow night n such and we can talk then. - i hope not

but back to this kelly type thing, i'm sick of being lonely i truly am. i haven't had a girlfriend since her almost 2 years ago now, granted i've had some flings here and there, but nothing worth mentioning. and the people whom i'm interested in dont seem to know what they want. and that just makes things dandy in my department. and i get to the point with that to say just fuck it, but when you see this person almost every day for a couple hours its those little things that attracted me to her in the first place that keep that thought of her in my head... damn her eyes and smile.

and the people that do seem to have an interest in me, dont have the interest back towards them. eh thanks, but no thanks, not my type.

so tonight as i'm typing this, jay is most likely passed out due to a great 21 party, aaron and amy are getting things out of their system, and i'm here typing away recalling whats wrong with my life, and the alike.

speaking of whats wrong, one of my good friends kat, who i used to be very close with hasn't gotten back to me after a bunch of calls to her and e-mails. this is kinda pissing me off, to say what the fuck, whats going on with that, and why hasn't she called back... grr

so in general a good night tonight, had fun, got inebriated (dont know why but i love that word when i'v been drinking) got to reminisce about past things.

oh and this is for amy since she likes it when people talk about her, it makes her feel famous, that i've never seen any body rock leather pants like she did tonight, an ass spaning good time (for aarons hands only) :)